http://www.todaysletters.com/2010/05/10-things-that-have-made-all-difference.html
Hmm... these people have been married for 5 years. They don't have any kids yet.
It's a lot harder to invest so much into one another once two babies happen. I had so much anxiety about spiritual separation or distance from my husband when we were first married. I'm not talking about anything religious here I'm talking about being afraid of separation between our souls. I wanted to feel close to him, not physically, but that our hearts were connected. I don't have better words for it, but I'm hoping you know what I mean. (how would you best describe that feeling of needing to be "close," not physically, but in soul?) That anxiety kept me pursuing him. It is what gave me energy to "interview" my husband. To say sorry when I wasn't really in the wrong. It is what drove me to bend so we fit better together. It was good....I think. But after two kids came I just couldn't carry that anxiety anymore. I had too much on my plate already. In 2009 when all hell broke lose, I set it down. I just couldn't worry anymore about what was going on in my husband's head and heart. He had to deal with his own stuff, cause I had so much of my own stuff to deal with, I couldn't help carry his anymore. This hurt us.
Slowly but surely I'm starting to care more again. That is good. I'm doubtful that I'll ever go back to who I was. I learned from the pain that a little separation is called boundaries and maybe that's a good thing. I'm still figuring it out.
Lara, it sounds like you are finally coming full circle!
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for taking the courageous act of exploring and questioning and being open to learn! It's a GREAT trip, keep it up, Girl!
Karen
I love your honesty, Lara! Marriage is HARD - and I know EXACTLY what you're talking about. Kids, moving, job changes and travel -- they do all this. We've had some REALLY tough years. There were times I felt like the theme to a country song (mainly, "My Give-a-D**n is Busted" HAHA!). Through it all, the Lord broke my heart, taught me how to pray and love my husband, and also taught Jeremy - Jeremy has changed, too!
ReplyDeleteI see now that the Lord had to remove me from interfering in certain areas of Jeremy's life (mostly spiritual) so He could work. It's painful in both the loss of my "control" and feeling like I can make everything "OK" --- But also in knowing that by my control and (even inadvertent) interference, the Lord was not only NOT able to work on that area in Jeremy's life, but I was being used by the Enemy.
Keep up the good fight!!! It is so worth it!!!
Hope, Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, there have been many moments in our marriage where that song has fit quite well. =) (Probably on his end as well!)
ReplyDeleteBut we'll grow old together. I'm still sure of that.