I just sat through two hours of bible study / sermon discussion group and BSed my way through the whole thing. I know all the right answers. I say what I would say if I believed. I want to encourage them. I want to help them grow and become better people. I want to be a part of the community. And yet, I lie. I talk about the need to be rooted in Jesus like a plant is rooted in the soil. I'm listening to myself speak and I don't know if I even believe in that. What the hell does it mean to be rooted in Jesus anyway?
I'm a horrible horrible person. I am an actor. I am everything Jesus hates.
Where do I go from here?
I don't hear a horrible person speaking those words. I hear a person who is pushing beyond her strength. Can you give yourself a rest and a good, nourishing meal of insight and and lovingkindness?
ReplyDeleteThank you. =)
DeleteYou are NOT a hypocrite.
ReplyDeleteYou are a person struggling to be absolutely honest and true. It's admirable, Lara.
Lots of people say the empty platitudes and move right on...
It's called integrity. And you have it.
Thank you. I wish I could come drink some tea with you in Austraila.
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