I just sat through two hours of bible study / sermon discussion group and BSed my way through the whole thing. I know all the right answers. I say what I would say if I believed. I want to encourage them. I want to help them grow and become better people. I want to be a part of the community. And yet, I lie. I talk about the need to be rooted in Jesus like a plant is rooted in the soil. I'm listening to myself speak and I don't know if I even believe in that. What the hell does it mean to be rooted in Jesus anyway?
I'm a horrible horrible person. I am an actor. I am everything Jesus hates.
Where do I go from here?