Why I consider myself an un-believer

If someone were to ask me if I was a Believer I would say no.  But if someone were to ask me if I am a Christian...I'm still considering my answer to that question.  It's different.  

To me a Believer is someone who believes that the bible is inerrant.  Someone who believes in the old testament is historical fact.  Someone who believes that Jesus was born of a virgin.  Someone who believes that Jesus died on the cross for their sins.  Someone who believes that he rose again in physical human form on the third day.  Someone who believes that he'll return again someday.  Someone who believes that they will spend their after-life in heaven with Jesus.

This is no longer what Christianity means to me.  I cannot affirm any of those statements with certainty.  Some I strongly believe are wrong, others have lost all meaning, and others i'm still thinking through.  But if that is what you mean when you ask if I am a believer then my answer will be no, I am not.

Now if you ask me if I am a Christian, that is a whole other story.  Do I have faith in Jesus' message to help make the world a better place?  I'm not yet ready to let go of that.  Do I believe that Jesus' life and teaching can transform someone for the better.  I've seen it happen.  I still believe in some miracles and spiritual experiences.  When I'm feeling passionate about something I still pray to whatever it is that is connecting us all.

And yet.  If I'm honest I really have more faith in psychology and science to transform people and the world for the better than I do in Christianity.  And I've seen a lot of people made worse by fundamentalist Christianity, especially the kids brought up in it.  And I would never put my trust in the Holy Spirit to show up when I need it.  I am utterly convinced that the god I grew up believing in doesn't exist (which could very well mean I believed in a false god).

So...am I a believer?  No
Am I a Christian?  I'll get back to you on that one.